The strange and wonderful world of eroticacock

Lou: The world of e-publishing opened up a new world where erotica fiction could be explored in so many ways. For those who follow us on twitter, you know that Has manages to find erotica books that make us giggle like schoolgirls, and make us gasp in part horror and laughter. So we thought we would share those moments with you all. Aren’t you all a lucky bunch? No, please, there’s need to thank us. We can assure you it’s our pleasure.

So to start off I’ll share with you my experience of an erotica that Has dared me to read a few years back. It’s called Liger, and the hero’s name was He-o.

Yeah. I know.

Anyway, He-o and the heroine are kitty cats. And you betcha He-o had some tricks up his naughty kitty sleeve.

“He gritted his teeth and and gasped as he felt the flange around the head of his cock snap open, tapping him inside of her until the pressure of her release freed him”

A snappy flange cock? Check.

“His tail unwrapped from around her thigh, the busy tip lashing as it settled between her legs. She shrieked as the soft hair brushed rhythmically against her clit, adding fuel to her inner fire and sending shudders through her body.”

A clit-flicking tail? Check.

“Her hands dipped low to caress his ball sac, feeling the twin orbs inside their furry covering.”

Fuzzy balls FTW?! Check.

“In one hard shove, he slammed himself home, his hood snapping open, and he relished the sound of her impassioned screams.”

A hooded snapping flange peen? Check.

I can remember horrifying my twitter stream with these quotes a while back. It really does stick in my memory — and now it will sticks in all of yours. Bwahahahaha *evil laughter fades away*

MinnChica: I have to admit, anytime Has comes up with a new erotic book we “have” to read, I usually run really really fast in the other direction! :D Double peens, with different colors scare me!! However, I’ve been… fortunate(?) enough to run into some pretty crazy erotica of my own. While I’ve broadened my reading experience to include BDSM aspects like puppy play and flogging that BARELY have me batting an eye, some situations like 24 hour Master/slave relationships can still give me the heebeegeebees.

But for me, the biggest ICKS in my erotic experience are the everyday contemporary books that take things just a LITTLE – ok a lot – too far.

The worst memory for me was reading the BDSM book Safeword: Matte. None of the BDSM elements freaked me out. In fact, I thought it was rather tame in relation to many of the other books I’ve read in the genre. No with this book, our hero, Ethan, has a cockzilla, and many of the smexy scenes included the following words: tearing, pulsing monster, ripping and probably the least sexy quote OF ALL TIME:

“He was like this giant fucking machine, with this huge cock tearing into her, dilating her more than should be possible outside of childbirth.”

How is that sexy people?? How?? I don’t get it!! I can tell you, I am pregnant right now, and the thought of labor scares the shit outta me! But the thought of sleeping with a man whose peen is going to “dilate me more than childbirth” needs to go very very very far away from me!!

The second worst and most recent memory would have to be the reason behind the inspiration of this post: the Maya Banks novella in the Cherished anthology. While I’ve never been a huge fan of menage to start with, especially menage stories where the men don’t touch, this novella took erotic romance and stretched into hardcore porn. There was nothing sexy about the way Banks described our heroine, Talia, gives a BJ to three different men at the same time. I’m sorry, but there is nothing romantic or sexy to me about three men who take turns:

“Back and forth, from man to man, hands on her face, in her hair, holding her, pushing against her. It all blended together until she was only aware of the cocks pushing in and out of her mouth.”

Yes, because most women frequently have three different peens they are sucking, AT ONE TIME! *scoff* Then there was the scene where she has sex with all of them, and let’s each of her “guards” finish in her. Unprotected!!

“Xander mounted her from behind, slid deep into her ass and began fucking her in earnest as cum slid down the insides of her thighs. Semen from three different men.”

I’m sorry, but I don’t find that sexy. I don’t find that romantic, and I don’t understand why someone would feel cherished after that experience. If anything, it just comes across as bad porn, and that is the last thing I want to read in my erotic romance book!

Has: Well I admit I am drawn to the out-there erotic romance books with the outlandish premise and peens that feature little extras (yes, I have the wtfery-must-click-on-the-unclickable gene). My first introduction was Lora Leigh’s Breed series which feature heroes who are genetically altered with animal DNA, and that has affected their peens somewhat, such as a knot or a barb that locks into the hoohaa after they climax. But I have also come across books which really stretches – and I mean REALLY stretches – things.

Evangeline Anderson’s SF romance series, The Brides of the Kindred, features alien heroes who search for their fated brides, and many of her heroes have double penises (this is not uncommon as you think as there are quite a few erotic romances with the double peen hero). There is one installment in Sought where I had to cross my legs in sympathy for the heroine. Kat, the heroine, is mated with twin brothers called Lock and Deep (their names are so fitting buahahahaha), but their cocks are extra, EXTRA industrial strength special because they both join as one in a special mating ceremony to become gigantuancock which is needed to help with a spiritual quest to save their homeworld. Kat has to eat this special fruit and drink it as a juice to help her prepare the gigantuancock which acts like an aphrodisiac – and she soon finds delight and is able to handle this big pleasure aimed at her hoohaa.

‘Lock and Deep were conferring in low voices but she only heard about half of what was said and she comprehended even less. All she knew was that she was consumed with a burning desire and only being filled and penetrated could slake her sexual thirst.
“Press your shaft to mine,” Deep murmured to Lock.
“I know we cannot feel each other’s emotions as we should at this moment so we must let our bodies do what is necessary.”
“Here. It’s not… Ah, there.” Lock’s voice was strained at first but then he sounded relieved. “Do you feel that, Brother? I think we’re ready to fill our lady.”

“Yes,” Deep responded. “And our little Kat is more than ready to be filled… and fucked.”

Other books in this series also have knotted peens, and extra peens. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine, and there is other erotic SF romances which feature alien heroes who use their tails in which no man has gone before, such as the fun romp by Judy Mays with Brianna in her Celestial Passions series. But in fantasy and science fiction erotic romance, the sex is totally out there and pushes the envelope in human and alien biology that ranges from sexy and fun romps to the ZOMG OH NO THEY DIDN’T!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

E: Well I was also introduced to the horror of my life by Has. We were talking about authors one day and one of us (I don’t remember who) mentioned Sarah McCarty. I had read several of her books by then and they were certainly on the erotic side of romance. Has started telling me about a paranormal romance one that involved a large amount of semen. I didn’t believe what she was saying so she then proceeded to warn me. I was stubborn and decided to go ahead and buy Conception anyway.

Initially things weren’t too bad, hero was kinda brutish, but he was a different species so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Then during their smexytimes his peen penetrated through her cervix into her uterus and he proceeded to slowly unload so much semen that her stomach was visibly distended.

“Oh God.” He was still coming. “What have you done?”
“We are mated the Chosen way.”
Internal feminine muscles clenched. He groaned and jerked. Pain and pleasure blended as his cock danced deep within. “What does that mean?”
He didn’t answer verbally, but an image of his cock sliding through her cervix flashed through her mind. “That’s not possible!”
Horror built in the aftermath. Her mind denied the reality, but her body knew the truth.
“Be easy.”
“You’ll kill me.”
“I pleasured you and will do so again if you but allow me to finish.”
“You’re finished.”
He cupped her cheek. “This is an intimate time between lovers when our bodies are joined, and I fill you with my seed.” Another jerk of his cock and more fullness.

Much later in the scene

He was not surprised. She had taken more than he would have expected. He gentled his touch but could not resist curving his fingers on the convex curve of her stomach. A seeded woman was a thing of beauty. “You are beautiful.”
She looked down, shock in her eyes and voice as she saw the small distension caused by their union. “I’m a bloated cow.”

While there was a reason for this in the world-building, but it was just too much for me.

Yes I am aware that some women enjoy having their cervix bumped and also like varying levels of pain with their pleasure, but the thought of a peen that long to begin with and able to provide so much semen in one expanded session as to distend her stomach *shakes head* *grabs chastity belt*. There was nothing sexy, desirable, titillating or anything except repulsive to me. I know I finished the book but I don’t remember anything else about it. No this didn’t stop me from reading McCarty; I just learned when Has found a scene or book that made her go O_O that I was not going to give them a try.


So aren’t you all happy that we shared with you our reading experiences? What erotica books have you read that you want to share with us? I’m not sure if anything can shock us these days…

Comments

  1. says

    ““You are beautiful.”
    She looked down, shock in her eyes and voice as she saw the small distension caused by their union. “I’m a bloated cow.””

    AHAHAHAHA.

    This is a hilarious post. I have to share my favorite Peen moment from Assume the Position by TC Lee

    “I have a large cock which some would think is a blessing, but not me.”

    “Are you frightened?”
    Regan shuddered as his warm breath circled the shell of her ear, “Yes,” she whispered.
    “You should be. You’re in a dark alley, with a stranger who wants to fuck you so hard that it will take the Jaws of Life to separate us when I’m through with you.”

    Oh my. ;)

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  2. says

    Ahhhhh— I’m scarred for life. I thought the two headed man whore scifi romp that I read was much — but I guess there is soo much more.

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  3. Sooz says

    LOL I am so glad I was not eating or drinking anything when I read this post. I may never have sex again for fear of twin cervix ripping peens!

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  4. says

    Lou, kitty cat hero would have stopped me. I didn’t need the image of the snapping flange peen. *scrubs brain*

    “I’m a bloated cow.” However, just makes me laugh. Horrific, but humorous? Maybe?

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  5. Bobbie B (@mamaboo7907) says

    ZOMG!! I am with Sooz, I am soo glad I was not eating or drinking anything when I read this… LOL

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  6. Shannon Owens says

    Wow! Really I guess I am more “conservative” with my erotic reads. I have read Lora Leighs Breed series and I did read Maya Bank’s EXILED I didn’t care for it either and I am a fan of hers and I like menage books but yea that one I had to shake my head at.

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  7. says

    My eyes! My eyes!

    I read Nicholas by Elizabeth Amber and that was it for me with the double peens.

    One day there will be Steampunk erotica with the mechanical peen – maybe clockwork or steampowered? 0-o

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  8. says

    Okay – I really thought I wouldn’t get past “flanges.” But I kept going and….. really? Cervical penetration and belly-distending semen emissions??? I think my uterus is cramping. Fie on you all! ;-)

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  9. erinf1 says

    Bwaahahahahahahaha! Thanks for taking one/two/three for the team guys! Bleh… I have to admit to some! weird alien sex as a guilty pleasure too but some of these are so far out there, that it’s horrifying! Bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh!

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  10. Valerie says

    I was pretty disturbed by the kittyhero excerpt, but that quote from Safeword made me shriek out loud in horror. NOPENOPENOPE.

    I thought the weirdest I read was the Lords of Satyr by Elizabeth Amber, but some of these sections make it look downright tame. o___o

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  11. Jenny Lyn says

    I really should not have read this while trying to eat my breakfast. Bad, bad idea. Most of it went in the trash. *rubs tummy*

    About the copious amounts of male emissions in the McCarty book: Wouldn’t his balls be the size of grapefruit?

    Just a small glimpse of where my mind goes when I read stuff like that. Yeah, it ain’t pretty.

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  12. says

    Hehe. As they say, sharing is polite, so how could we not share with you all these wondrous eroticacock stories ;)

    ReplyReply
  13. Jenifer says

    Barbed, double and gargantuan peens, oh my! I like erotic fiction but I think I’ll stick to the all-human type, thanks very much, lol. So far, the only barbed peen I’ve read about is Rhevenge from BDB. If it makes me go ewwww, I’ll probably pass : )

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  14. says

    There will never be enough brain bleach for this NEVER. But also, LOLOLOL.

    I do have to say the biggest turn off of all for me with these kinds of unbelievable and often gag-inducing reads is when the woman on the receiving end has to, basically, be drugged to experience and endure the gigantacock(s). SO NOT OKAY.

    Other than that….*swims in brain bleach*

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  15. says

    For me, it was Dawn Thompson’s Lord of the Deep. His seed bloated the heroine’s belly as well. It was…ummm..interesting ;)

    I wish I’d kept the book so I could quote it for you :)

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  16. Lou says

    Do I need to post an image of a puppy or kitten as a picture cleanser at the bottom of the post?

    ReplyReply
  17. says

    @Laura Hunsaker:

    Oh I need to check that out! I think it has tree sex too right? One of my favourite fantasy erotic romance series is the Elizabeth Amber Satyr series – They have double peens too and there’s a book where one of the heroines is a hermaphrodite – it was a very interesting take.

    @Lou:

    How about a glittery gif of the word peeens aren’t icky??? :D

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  18. says

    I can’t believe you know about the tree sex! lol
    (er, I guess that part kind of stands out, so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised)

    it’s full of all kinds of out-there crazy sexy times

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  19. says

    Oh my! Where has your site been all my life? I’m so glad you got mentioned on Dear Author, so I found you!

    I wrote a blog last year about the “suspended belief” factor in sex scenes. I also discarded the book so I don’t even remember the title, but I read an anthology of 3 paranormal stories once, and though the other two were relatively forgettable, one had a vampire lover whose phallus is described as “as wide as my wrist and as long as the distance from my fist to my elbow.” And not only does our plucky heroine who is relatively inexperienced, have mind-blowing orgasms with him every time without any lube, he also introduces her to the joys of anal intercourse, also without any lube! OMG! I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or barf! Either way, that ruined the rest of the story for me, and I really didn’t care that the female vampire who had “made” him was defeated, his vampirism expelled, and they got to live a HEA as mortals, all 3 of them, her, him and his giant-assed peen! Sheesh!

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  20. MinnChica says

    @Jenny Lyn: Grapefruit balls… *giggle*

    @Fiona McGier: Yeah, cockzillas scare the crap outta me. It’s so not cool when every encounter is the equivalent to fisting, sans lube!! *shudder*

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  21. Lexi says

    Ahahahhaa, MinnChica you are a riot! And I so agree, when I was preggers the whole idea of labor freaked me out. Luckily (unlucky?) I ended up having a c-section so didn’t have to expierence dilating…but I so do not want anything the size of a small watermellon going in or out!

    ReplyReply
  22. says

    OMG this post is both hilarious and horrifying! O_O Some of these scenes are just plain eeek. Lol thanks for sharing Ladies, and Has, have you ever thought about having a monthly feature highlighting all your outlandish shocking finds? :-D I sure would check them out. lol

    ReplyReply

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